


Mind and What Matters

by Octopocalypse



Category: Naruto
Genre: Accidental Orgasm, Angst, Dubious Consent, M/M, Multi, Other, Psychological Trauma, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, angsty as fuck, dub con, he gets mind fucked okay, inappropriate use of jutsu, kinky no jutsu, mind fucking??, suggested relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-10-26 02:51:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10777953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Octopocalypse/pseuds/Octopocalypse
Summary: Ino gets in a little extra 'training'She has some ulterior motives though ;))Porn without much plot"I’m not asking her about her day, I’m asking why she’s intruding in on my thoughts. It’s no secret the Yamanaka’s possess a pretty useful technique, but it’s invasive as all hell. Shadow possession doesn’t hold a candle to it, though that can be unnerving as well."





	1. His Fall from Grace

I could feel her before she even made herself known to me. How could I not? There’s a certain weight that comes with a second presence in your head. Besides, we’ve both been teammates for a long time, and it wouldn’t be the first time she’s mind melded with me.

‘Ino,’ I greet within my own head, subsequently letting her know she hadn’t gone undetected. 

If she wanted to probe my thoughts she’d have to try a little harder than that, and by that I mean she could have just asked me. I’m not as reserved as most would think, I just don’t share things that don’t need to be known. Still, Ino had a tendency to let curiosity get the best of her. I suppose someone so prone to keeping secrets would be suspicious of others, so I cut her a break for the most part. This is different though, she’s never gotten into my head without permission and I can feel her frustration at being caught so easily.

‘Hey Shika,’ Comes a voice not my own. 

Jeez, does she really think she sounds like that?

‘What are you doing?’ There’s more to the question than I let on, she knows that, but it’s my negligence that lets her get away with acting like she doesn’t. I’m not asking her about her day, I’m asking why she’s intruding in on my thoughts. It’s no secret the Yamanaka’s possess a pretty useful technique, but it’s invasive as all hell. Shadow possession doesn’t hold a candle to it, though that can be unnerving as well. 

It’s the reason why the two of us agreed, not to use our respective techniques on our teammates unless they were: consenting, prepared and with the sole intent of training. Safe words and gestures were usually involved and almost always a third party to supervise. 

A bit of BDSM if you will. 

This certainly didn’t fall under any of those agreements and Ino knew that, but surely I could trust her. There was no need to be so tense, so why was I? 

Ah right, because girls are troublesome.

 

I am reminded of this as she explains with a little too much innocence.

‘Asuma suggest I practice on a more unwilling target.’

‘So shouldn’t you have picked someone a little less… complacent?’ I say- or rather, think at her. This much is true, but I find myself wanting her out more than usual so I add ‘Besides, I have practice resisting you.’ I concentrate a little, giving her a small shove to get my point across.

‘That’s why it’s perfect. You know what it feels like to have me in here so you won’t just panic and fall unconscious like everyone else. As for your compliance, I can already feel how squeamish you are. Plus, don’t you think I’ve prepared for that?’

I really,  _ really _ don’t like the tone of malice I feel melting into me, and I try to think back to whatever it is I did to deserve this. 

This proves to be a bad move. Ino can find a reason to overreact at anything, and now I was just giving her ammunition. In the end I just end up reminding her of every time I’ve said something snarky to her. I feel heat brewing from our shared consciousness and I try to diffuse by returning to the book in my hands. It was probably just best to let her do whatever she wants, the sooner she gets what she came for the sooner she goes.

My eyes scan the pages again and I try to find my place, with any luck I could bore her out of me.

_ In the end, it was the Sunday afternoons he couldn’t cope with,  _ I read on, starting the sentence over: _ and that terrible listlessness that starts to set in about 2:55, when you know you’ve taken all the baths that you can usefully take that day, that however hard you stare at any given paragraph in the newspaper you will never actually read it. _

My thought is interrupted rather suddenly by the beginnings of an image. 

The words in my brain are slowly replaced by the curve of a wrist, a thin forearm. I can feel Ino dragging my gaze as much as she’s shaping the thoughts for me. 

It’s a girl, I realize at last. 

Someone with pale skin and pink hair. 

I recognize Sakura with some reluctance, though Ino has taken some artistic liberties. The size of her breasts, for example, are practically toppling out of her blouse. 

I shove the image away immediately, a little disgusted at the heartlessness with which she treats her friend. When I finally shake her, my face boiling from both rage and embarrassment I realize I’ve tossed my book to the grass.

‘What the hell Ino?!’ I bark at the girl giggling in my head.

‘Just seeing which of us girls does it for you. Sakura wasn’t my first choice either I admit, but I figured you might like her breasty, I mean, brainy type… I guess not.’

If this is what she had in mind I definitely don’t want her sticking around. I take a breath, and build up enough force to expel her. Before I have a chance to she sends me another picture. 

This one looks more like a memory. A recollection of Tenten,  _ standing above me in a pair of panties and a t-shirt. Her back is curved in a twist, showing off her butt. It’s as if Ino had just jumped behind her and this is her, stuck mid turn.  _

_ She’d look picture perfect if it wasn’t for the fierce look in her eyes and the imminent threat of a raised pillow. _ Apparently girls sleepovers really do play out that way. Though I don’t think pillow fights between Ino and Tenten are cutesy in the slightest.

Something about it draws something involuntary from me, maybe it’s those brown eyes. 

My attention moves back down the curve of her back, and back to her hips. The pose is familiar, and it draws up my own memory. Briefly her thighs are twice the size, her hips thickening with them. I shake the thought before it goes much further than that and I feel my face flushing _. _

I feel her satisfaction and counter it with a bitterness that only seems to encourage her feelings of triumph.

‘Asuma said it wouldn’t be hard to draw out the subconscious thoughts,’ She says, full of impudence. ‘I didn’t think it would be that easy though…’ I give her a shove while she’s distracted, but she holds on. It seems she’s gotten better at this than I thought. ‘I’m a little surprised Shika,’ She purrs and it sends a shiver down my spine making me grimace. ‘I always thought you were full of it when you said you liked em with a little more meat. Seems I was wrong though, you really do have a preference, and it seems you’ve dabbled a little...’

I feel my face heating at her words, I know she’s trying to draw more thoughts out of me. I also know I felt a vein of jealousy run through her words that momentarily has me question why. I don’t have time to focus on that though, this is getting way too personal, and she know’s it. 

She also knows that given the opportunity I could devise a plan to find her unprotected body and wreck my own havok. Mainly just whatever it took to get her out. The trouble is, she’s in my head, and she’s doing a damn good job of keeping me distracted.

‘So, just who is it that’s been naughty with you hmm?’ Jealousy masked better this time.

I shake my head as if that will stop her.

‘Could it have been…’ 

She finishes the sentence with an image of a blushing Hinata. On her knees wearing a short sleeping gown. Seems she attended the sleepover as well. The way she’s sitting has her thighs squished together nicely giving them a fuller look _. _ I know Ino feels the need to make snide remarks about the Hyuuga girl’s size, though I can’t really see why. She’s really not that much bigger than any of the girls. In fact it’s much more likely she just looks that way because of her height and the way she dresses. Nonetheless the picture doesn’t rouse a reaction, thankfully, and so she moves on.

‘Yeah, I doubt she would stoop to that, especially for a guy like you.’

I hear the venom in the words, one I know comes with her not getting her way.

It works though, and I can’t help wondering just what the hell she means by that. A guy like me?

I feel my eyebrows furrow angrily and my lips pull into a frown. She’s not actually insinuating that I would take advantage of a girl like that?

‘You’re a pervert Shikamaru,’ She scoffs, reading my emotions, and it ticks me off even more. ‘No need to be upset.’ She adds, obviously feeling the spike of anger. ‘It’s normal for a guy your age, all those raging hormones, you’re lucky us girls are so in control or else who would be there to keep you in check?’ I try to think of a venomous retort, but my thoughts are all jumbled with her here, and she interrupts me before I can make any progress on that front.

“Well, some of us anyways,”

It’s Temari this time, though I can tell this one isn’t a memory, and I am forced to admit, it’s a sly move. Temari is more rounded than the girls of the Konoha, it’s clear Suna girls focus on training more than diets. I can feel a sense of envy surging through Ino even as she constructs the fantasy.

Looks like I’m not the only one trying to keep things locked up, not that I can blame her. It would be a slap in the face to know she worked so hard on her figure only to find out boys prefer something with a little more heft.

It’s obvious she’s scrambling for ideas now, with the way Temari is dressed. 

_ Robe slipping from the shoulder, hair mussed and the ever provocative fishnets peeking just beneath hems.  _ An ordinary guy would be puddy by now. I know well enough from the way Naruto talks about girls that this, flushed cheeks and lax, willing expression combined with welcoming body language, is every guy's dream. 

Problem is, I’m not like that. Not in the slightest. Seems Ino doesn’t know me as well as she would like to think.

I give in anyway, feigning defeat. Better to let her think she’s won than to let her continue probing about my thoughts.

‘Damn it Ino,’ I sigh, doing my best to feel dejected and I can practically  _ see _ her grinning mentally at me.

‘You bastard, I knew it. She does seem kind of easy doesn’t she?’

Confusion at that shoots through me but she ignores it.

‘Still, you’re the last person I expected to lose their virginity…” There’s that jealousy again. Is this what this was about? ‘You always seemed so… Above that. What would your parents say?” She teases, with another image of Temari,  _ lips pursed and eyes filled with lust _ . It catches me off guard, and my brain works against me, trying to make some sense of the unfamiliar idea. It fills it in with something it’s more used to, drawing the first similarity from her pigtails.

Blond hair turns brown and her eyes narrow, I fight and fight the flooding thoughts, though not before telltale red swirls mark her cheeks.

_ Everything goes quiet _ .

I find end up curled in on myself, knees drawn up to my face in embarassment. My arms are folded around them to block the outside world, even though the nightmare is happening in my head. I can feel her there, but she’s not saying anything anymore. I don’t know if the barrier is there for me, or for her, but it seems she’s given us some privacy. In the meantime I busy myself with searching for some believable excuse.

‘So,’ Her voice whispers at last, and it opens the floodgates. Every thought I’ve worked so hard to keep at bay pours out of me.

Choji in every way imaginable, posing like Tenten, making seductive faces like Temari. Every dirty little secret I’ve kept hidden, until now. I know I’ve just given Ino all the ammunition she’d ever need against me. There’s no coming back from this, and try as I might I can’t even imagine a world in which she’ll speak to me again.

‘What would your parents say indeed…’ She hums, and her tone isn’t disgusted or angry. It’s playful.

Don’t.’ I warn, my face flushing harder. Because I know, she’s taken that line from one of those memories. Plucked it straight from my private collection of conversations shared with Choji. Conversations about the two of us. Our clans, our own jokes about forbidden cliches, and though they made me laugh once, now they make me sad.

_ We shouldn’t  _ is another one said many times before. Hushed by the other in the heat of the moment. Hushed because ‘shouldn’ts’ become ‘can’ts’.

We shouldn’t get our hopes up because in the end we can’t. It’s as simple as that. 

The problem wasn’t gender, but rather the clan. A Yamanaka and an Akamichi or a Nara or any combination resulted in the extinction of one of the clans. A conversation that’s lead to this secrecy, a hole dug that only grew deeper the further we took it. At first the sheer taboo of it all was part of the excitement. But now it was just part of the pain.

What would our parents think indeed.

“Have you-” She starts and I can’t hold back the memory she plucks, the memory of _ Choji laying under me. His face flushed and embarrassed, though there’s a touch of excitement in his eyes. _ I struggle to hold certain details from her as she skims over it. I can’t keep it all from her grasp but she certainly doesn’t need to see everything. Despite my censorship, and I can tell she knows what happened. The memories bring back feelings, smells and emotions and of course they have an effect on me. One I’m powerless against thanks to the countless night’s I’ve spent recounting these very things for my own enjoyment. Slowly and reluctantly I feel the blood slowly pooling at the pit of my stomach.

I’m so tired from resisting her, tired from burying these secrets- they’re hard enough to ignore day to day during training, and I lack the power to hold her off now that she’s beat me down.

She’s sifting through them now, starting with the earliest with that same curiosity that never fails to cause trouble.

She draws up memories of our first kisses,  _ lips shaky in bitter winter nights. Sleepovers quickly turning to shared beds, snuggling and the impending touch of lips. _ I feel her excitement as  _ tongues ghost against one another _ until we’re brave enough. I’m almost angry she’s making me share this, my first kiss,  _ our _ first kiss, and my Choji. I’m mad at myself too, I was the second half of a two man agreement to keep our relationship a secret. But here I am, revealing it all to a nosey little girl.

‘Wow…’ I can’t tell who shivers, the vividness has me engulfed in so many conflicting emotions. All I know is the reaction runs down my spine and does little to help the situation.

The memory switches to the first time Choji’s hand slips down the front of my pants. It surprises us both as much as it did me the first time it happened. 

_ We’d been sitting in the grass, with me pressed snuggly in his lap, when unexpectedly deft fingers crept down my stomach and into my underwear. _

She made me gasp and I felt the ghost of the touch for a second time, causing me to stiffen immediately in my pants. The arousal bled into both of us as we shared the experience of my first hand job. Choji’s hands inexplicably soft despite being weapon worn. I hear Ino mumble “Is that really what it feels like for guys?” but I don’t bother answering. Because the memory is as vivid as the day it happened, the answer is clear as it can be.

She stops it before past me has a chance to finish, relief and disappointment sends me awry. I get the sense she’s avoiding that particular outcome as embarrassment and disgust swirling in with the smorgasbord of feelings we’re both already enveloped in.

She continues shuffling, moving through memories of more handjobs, times we’ve spent the night grinding against each other in the dark, without so much as taking our pants off. She pauses at the sensation of a sudden and overwhelming heat.

‘W-whoa,’ She stammers just as my memory looks down at Choji, who’s got his lips wrapped around me. He pulls back and I feel her try to look away without success, and I’m too wrapped up in the bliss to blot anything out. It’s the first memory she’s drawn up that shows my dick.

‘I-Ino,’ I plead, giving her a pitiful shove, urging her to just leave already, surely she’s gotten what she wants by now. What’s more, all these thoughts starting to get to me.

‘W-wait, I want to know…’ She stammers, drawing up another, this time of both of us, Choji’s hand wrapped around both of our arousal, groaning as we fuck his fist simultaneously. This whole thing is humiliating beyond measure, I don’t even realize my hips are moving in time with the memory until a desperate moan spills out of my lips.

‘Are you getting off on this?’ She hushes, a touch of surprise in her voice.

‘O-obviously. I’m a pervert, remember?’ I grumble back, letting myself fall back into the grass, one arm slung across my flushing cheeks.

‘Right, perv,’ She mutters, though the emotion isn’t there. ‘I can’t believe you of all people-’ The jealousy seeps from her, and I never could have imagined Ino held sex in such high esteem. Sure she acted like the attention seeking type, but she was stubborn with some pretty heavy morals. Though not that heavy it seemed.

‘You’re the one peeping through my memories.’ I point out, though I can’t bring myself to sound as irritated as i’d like. Too hot under the collar.

“That’s because- I’ve never…” She trails off, not that I need her to finish the sentence, I’ve already figured as much. She reads the understanding in my thoughts and leaves it at that.

“Have you…?” 

I can feel her looking for something, in particular, not wanting to express the thought. My stomach knots when I see the direction this is headed. She pulls up something recent. I immediately recognize the setting. Discarded armour on the ground, Choji’s eager eyes and the nervous reluctance sweating from me.

_ Four years of this, and I’d never let him before. I never knew what possessed me to suggest it,  _ but I never regretted it _.  _ I was about to though.

_Slick fingers pressed into me, the sharp stinging_ just as present in the memory and I feet Ino’s concentration grow intense _._ If she wanted to know what sex was like this was definitely the wrong was to go about it. It wasn’t even the same with two guys!

I tried to draw her attention to something else, anything else but she held fast.

_ Two fingers pried me open _ and I feel my dick twitch in my pants, one hand wandering without my permission to my waist band.

‘Ino, stop,’ I muttered another warning, it goes unheeded. Before I could throw another blow at her I feel the hold of her jutsu grow stronger. My physical body immobilized, finger’s barely able to reach their destination, my needs swept under the rug. I could do nothing but think vulgar thoughts at her.

She ignored them, and flooded my senses again with the memory. 

_ Choji above me, a hand between us, the only thing holding himself back from ramming into me. His shakiness giving way to his urge, reminding me of the first time I’d felt Choji’s heat around my head and how I had to do the same. _

_ He eases in, the wet lube doing little to prepare me for him. _

_ Thick. Was all I could think, knuckles turning white from my grip on the sheets. _

_ His face when I expressed some disbelief that he wasn’t using his jutsu was priceless. My scepticism making him apologize profusely and attempt to pull back out. _

_ I wrapped my legs around those hips the best I could and denied him the liberty, revelling in the feeling of him plunging back deep inside me. _

I focus hard on the memory, blotting out the occasional thoughts that spring up from Ino.

‘Incredible- is he that big? It hurts that much?’ The questions don’t need answer, one part because she’s living them through me, the other part because it really is none of her business.

_ Choji peppers me with kisses before he starts moving. He can tell I’m still off put by the whole thing, and he showers me with praise, doing all the little things I love. Kisses land on my neck, bites falling close behind. He lets his tummy rub against my dick and we both find out its a sensation I love. So he does it harder, and faster, whispering in my ear that he loves it when I do this, or when I go like this. _

_ Each roll of his hips has me whimpering and shivering until I’m bucking up against him, and grinding down against his dick. I dig my nails into his shoulder, tangle fingers into his hair. I scratch and pull and squeeze my legs around him, begging for more. _

_ It takes some encouragement but soon he’s beating into me with a steady rhythm. Every slap of his thighs against mine; and his stomach against my dick just turns me on more. He drives deep, hitting parts of me I never thought I’d enjoy. _ Echoed in my voice I hear Ino, mumbling her own encouragement of ‘More… harder! Fuck- yes!’

My teeth clench and I ignore her, pushing hard against her presence, but she pushes back still.

‘This is mine.’ I complain, knowing the memory doesn’t go much further than this, and the end of it is not something I want to share with her.

‘Quit being selfish Shikamaru,’ She argues and I feel another grasp of effort fold over me, silencing even my thoughts this time.

The scene plays on,  _ the bed rocking relentlessly with each thrust until I feel the imminent build in my gut. I give a choked little cry, grabbing the back of the Akimichi’s neck and pulling him into a hot kiss. Euphoria courses through my veins as the orgasm hits me all at once. I feel myself clench around Choji’s girth, but he doesn’t stop his relentless pace. About halfway through me painting the other man’s gut I feel his movements stutter, the rushed “I love you,” He gasps, is his version of a warning. He throbs three times against my tightened muscles and then heat pools into me, traveling up my stomach and erupting another stream of cum from me. _

_ We hold to position for a moment, foreheads pressed together, like our sweat is glue, breathing each other’s air. _

She lets the memory fade to nothing, loosening her grip on my mind. I feel her shame first, the force of it and possibly a loss of chakra, yanks her from my head all at once, and the sudden loss has me feeling heavy and worn. It takes a solid minute of me trying to catch my breath again before I realize my pants are uncomfortably warm and wet. A sigh escapes me as I curse Ino’s name for the hundredth time.


	2. Her Christening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because Choji is my love, my best friend, but Ino is there too. She’s wrapped up in the people I care about, and maybe she knows how I care too much. Because she’s certainly right, there are worse people she could have done this to.

The days preceding became something of a nightmare. I was skipping out on training, even blowing of important missions from Tsunade. Needless to say, people were pissed at me, and I became something of a shut in.

I didn’t bother explaining myself to anyone, what would I say?

It wasn’t rape. I felt violated  _ yes _ . I just felt that rape was a bit strong for the situation. Besides, if I said anything to anyone it opened up the possibility that people might find out about mine and Choji’s relationship. I couldn’t risk dragging him into this. Of course it was inevitable he got involved anyways.

Choji made sure I didn’t have to explain myself to anyone anyway. Bless his heart. He knew something was wrong, knew that moment he saw me again. I don’t know how he does it, but he as a way of looking inside me. He might not be able to read my thought’s like Ino, but he can tell when things are askew. Not that it would have been that hard to notice something was off. Especially considering what I did the first night we spent together since then.

I felt bad because the shove wasn’t necessary. I felt terrible because I knew the reaction scared him to death.

He was just doing what he always did; back fresh from a mission, climbing through my window, ripe with pent up stress and a hint of mischief in his eyes. He wrapped me in one of those tight bear hugs, and it’s heaven for a moment. Then he’s backing me up to the bed, mouth roaming hungrily up my neck towards mine. I’m hit all of a sudden with the feeling that Ino is there, in my head. Both palms land on Choji’s chest and he hits the floor in a state of confusion. I can see the hurt in his eyes when he looks up at me initially. A hurt and a fear I recognize because he’s always been scared that I don’t actually want him.

He comes to his senses quickly though, something in my face indicating to him that this was not the case. His pain melts to pity, and he’s slow and cautious about getting up. So I drop to my knees, not in the mood for waiting around.

It’s not the crawling that makes me feel childish. It’s the crying. I can’t remember the last time I cried this much. He just hugs me and rocks me, till the crack of dawn.

He talks to Tsunade after that. I’m not sure what exactly he says, but it’s enough to get her off my case. 

After that I become the ghost of Konoha village.

I stop sleeping most nights, afraid of the vulnerability. When I can will myself out of bed during the day I just lay on the floor of the living room. Sometime’s I stare out the window. Most days my back is to it. I don’t like what I see in the clouds these days. Choji stops by, sparingly because he can tell I need the space, but often enough because he knows I need the company too. He never really asks me what’s wrong, and I don’t feel inclined to tell him anyway.

So I don’t.

I don’t tell him how I can’t sleep at night, because I’m not sure who will go probing through my dreams. I don’t tell him that sometimes I feel a second presence in my head, like a parasite it haunts me. I don’t tell him how the silence makes me want to scream or how the noise makes me want to run and hide.

I don’t tell him how at night, or when the house is too quiet; that I have to turn on all the taps in the house, or blair the radio until I can drown out the fear. I don’t have to tell him, because he finds out for himself soon enough.

I feel like a mental case at the best of times, more so when Choji finds me on a bad day. His gentle knock is drown out by the sound, and he finds me on the kitchen floor. The water running relentlessly down the drain, and my nails dug so deep in my scalp he has to pry my hands away before I draw blood.

I don’t remember a lot in the days that follow. I drift mostly in and out of consciousness. I wake up in my bed, blink and four hours have passed, blink again and it’s the dead of night. On and on it goes, so my life feels like a blurr. Flashes of the same wall in different time zones. Zoning in, zoning out until it’s all just meaningless.

I know Choji visits, more often now. He’s mixed in there with the snippets of wake, though I can’t differentiate between memories and dreams so much anymore. Still, I have pictures in my head of him bathing me, sitting in the tub or on the floor or in my bed, braiding my hair, sometimes just brushing it. It all feels the same, and I’m groggy every day, so much that my head feels foggy and heavy and I can never tell if I’ve been black out drinking or if it’s the excessive sleeping.

Choji tells me he emptied the house of liquor weeks ago.

Sometimes I wake up from a fit and he’s there. More often than not he’s on the floor, arm outstretched to hold my hand. I’m never certain if I’m the one that put him there. I’m never certain of anything anymore.

I could have told him for all I know. Though I doubt it because surely he would have insisted I go to Tsunade.

By week two Im so out of it I don’t even react to the sound of my front door opening.

Usually I would know that something was wrong immediately. Choji always knocks before coming in. But I’m zoned out on the living room floor, and in my stupidity I don’t notice anyone is there until slender arms close around me. The contact is enough to startle me, being captive makes me nervous, and the smell of perfume straight up makes me panic.

“Shika,” Her voice rings in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. It’s the first I’ve heard it since that day, and I’m frozen in the fear of it, and her arms run all over me.

My head is nothing but white noise, the best barrier I can come up with to block her out. Except she’s not in my head, she’s nibbling on my ear.

I let out a whimper; my best attempt at telling her to stop. My hand feels like bricks when I lift it to slap her away, and she grabs my wrist, proving what a futile attempt it is. It becomes leverage, and she twists it until I’m on the ground, crumpling under her force like a leaf. She swings a leg over me, as if I have the strength to get back up. We lock eyes for the first time, all I see in hers is desire, I’m not sure what mine look like, but whatever it is it doesn’t deter her.

“I missed you Shika…” She purrs, running her fingers through my hair. I can’t be bothered to tie it up anymore, and it offers no resistance to her prying digits. She notices me flinch at her touch, and concern wavers over her face.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” She says, and the hurt in her voice actually makes me feel bad for a second. “I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.”

_ The feeling’s mutual _

I can feel her hips rolling against me suddenly, though it’s so surreal it’s hard to put myself in the position of someone this is happening to.

That is, until her hand goes to my zipper. My head goes right with it, drifting down south as slender fingers close around my fly.

_ I get erections at the most inappropriate times. _

Ino merely smirks down at me and I force my eyes closed, swallowing hard.

“I keep thinking about you.” She repeats, pulling the zipper of my pants down agonizingly slow. “And Choji.” She adds, once she finally reaches the bottom. His name makes me stiffer, calling up images of better nights. I curse myself just as I feel her rubbing a palm up the underside of my shaft.

“He makes you feel good, doesn’t he?” I don’t answer, frankly I don’t want to, but my body is eliciting a reaction and she’s taking what she can get. “I could make you feel good too.”

Immediately I want to scream  _ No _ . But I hesitate, because her hand does feel nice, even now, slipping below the hem of my underwear.

Its been ages since I’ve been touched like this.

“We could make  _ each other _ feel good.”

I’ve known from the start she came here with selfish intentions. A fact which lead me to think I wanted nothing to do with this, an outright refusal to give her the attention she didn’t deserve. I am a little taken aback by how quickly she’s made me reconsider my position.

I can’t tell if she’s just a master of manipulation or if guys really do think with their dicks. No matter the case, it seems my dick is the one doing the talking for me, and she’s eating it up.

“I’ve never done this sorta thing, so you can tell me when it feels good, okay?” Her fingers brush my brow and a jerk turns into a shudder. I merely grunt, eyes still closed tight, because in the dark even those soft slender fingers can remind me of someone else.

It’s been weeks, is my spineless defense to myself. Weeks of me not being able to even touch myself, and though I like to think myself a stronger man, a mere man I am still. I know I’ve woken some nights, soiled from my dreams. Dreams I never remember, dreams sealed away in the vault, partly out of shame, partly fear. Shame that I’ve created something else she can take without my permission, and fear that she might be a presence in those dreams.

These are the things I tell myself, little reasons why I’m letting her. It is not a lack of strength or punishable fear, I have merely fallen victim to basic desire.

Both of her hands scrape down my chest, until one wraps around me again, rubbing slow and clumsy, drawing choked noises from me.

“Come on Shikamaru, at least look at me when we do it.”

The words come from somewhere distant, and I can feel myself trying to react, the parts of my brain still functioning tell me this should grab my attention. I react better to the touch anyway, and when something soft and wet lands on me I do as I’m told and open my eyes.

_ When did her clothes come off? _

I’m hit with the urge to look away, to shy and hide from this girl I’ve known since childhood. My eyes disobey me, and travel down her breasts and navel, because that wet feeling is still there and it’s getting hotter and wetter.

I tear my gaze away the moment I see it, and it lands somewhere between a bitten lip and her lusty eyes.

“God Shikamaru-” She moans, and I want to slap a hand over her mouth because her’s is not the voice I want to hear. There’s a tinge of pain on her face that makes me panic, a part of me still seeing her as a friend, a teammate, a responsibility. It occurs to me that I’m the one hurting her and I look down to see trembling legs and worried fingers like a vice around my shaft. I’m barely halfway in her, a fact which shocks me,

_ when the hell did I let her get on top of me? _

I almost tell her to stop if it hurts, and this can wait.

_ Wait? Wait for what? _

“You know, I always thought I’d wait…” Her words force my eyes to hers again, because I’m afraid she’s in my head. But that can’t be, because she’s right here. “For marriage, for my husband, or the right one or whatever. You…” She smiles, but it looks pained, oh so pained, and my heart lurches all over the place. “I always told myself I deserved someone better than you, even if it became clear you were my last option.” She laughs now, light and airy, and I can feel it echo down to her crotch. I can see the tears gather at the corners of her eyes too and I can’t even feel. Not even sarcastic hate.

“But I’m glad…” She sighs at last, sinking another inch down. “I’m glad my first time is with you… I could certainly do worse.”

It hits me all of a sudden what she’s saying. Hit with the seriousness of the situation and I realize now my mistake. Because I don’t want this, not the sex, and certainly not the responsibility she’s forcing onto my shoulders. I’ve taken only one person’s virginity, and that was more than enough.

I didn’t realize at the time, there’s such a difference between fucking someone and being fucked by them. It was four years before I ever felt that sort of vulnerability. It was then I realized situation was  _ everything _ . It wasn’t just about who you did it with, but when, where and how. Since then I felt guilty. Even now when I take him, I wonder if I did everything right the first time. I’ve never dwelt on a moment so much in my life, retracing every step, from the first kiss until the moment I buried myself in his heat.

Choji assured me it was perfect, no matter how many times I tell him  _ I wish I would have kissed you more - I should have held you like this _ . We’re a ball of insecurities, he and I. Choji is not without his own and I know if he saw me now, I know what he would think.

Tall, slender, blonde and  _ female _ . All the things he’s not, riding me, staking claim to a boy who promised to always be his and his alone. Breasted, but female, wide hipped, but hips built for birthing. Choji hated his breasts, hated the width of his hips. But I prefered them to this any day.

No amount of heartfelt words and reassurances would patch that kind of broken trust. It had already taken  _ so long _ to convince him that he’s everything I’ve ever needed, everything I want.

“Please, Shikamaru…” Her breath is hot against my ear and I know, she doesn’t need to be in my head to know what I’m thinking. She can feel that I’ve lost some of my arousal, her hips are slapping down against me rhythmically now but I feel numb. “Please,” She begs and I’m torn. Because Choji is my love, my best friend, but Ino is there too. She’s wrapped up in the people I  _ care _ about, and maybe she knows how I care too much. Because she’s certainly right, there are worse people she could have done this to. Sasuke immediately comes to mind, and I feel my chest clench in anger.

She has me wondering if this is my responsibility now too. I have the knowledge to do this, and do it right, to make it enjoyable for her so she knows right from wrong. I wonder if I could save this girl a lot of damage in the long run.

Classic Nara move you could say, no matter how much of a pain it was, we were reliable and self sacrificing as shit.

So I self sacrificed my shit, grabbed her by the hips and forced myself to sit up and kiss her.

I feel her surprised gasp more than I hear it, feel her nails dig into my shoulder, sure to leave marks that I don’t want to think about.

I keep my eyes closed and roll my hips, doing my best to fill in the gaps with Choji. Drawing parallels where they don’t belong, but my head makes due.

He hips are too small so I focus on pictures of a thinner Choji, the few times I’ve done him after vigorous chakra drain. Her wet becomes a synonym for lube. 

There are things that can’t be ignored though. The softness of her lips for example, the tender and feminine way she kisses me, and then there’s her voice.

I kissed her to keep it quiet, but she’s stubborn and strong and she pulls away from me, hands pushing at my chest. She bites my ear harder than Choji would ever dare to, and moans my name higher than his voice goes. It ties my stomach into knots but I let her have her way, because that’s what I’m good at.

Shikamaru Nara is a pushover and a coward when it comes to many things, but Ino crosses the line in a few simple words.

“Say my name,” she gasps, hands in my hair. I shake my head briskly and she pleads with me again.

“Shikamaru please- I want it- I want what you have- tell me you love me…” I shake it again, more firmly this time.

I know it must seem unfair. Everything is unfair to Ino when she’s not getting her way, but I can’t bring myself to care. Not now, not this time, because I’m beyond niceties with this. I’m doing her a favor because I owe her as much. So I try to be a stand up guy and not ruin what will, undoubtedly, be her point of reference for what sex should be like. But just this once I give her an example of how it shouldn’t be.

Because your lover should  _ want  _ to say they love you, should want to scream your name at the top of their lungs. But I can’t do that for her, and when I open my eyes I see her staring at me with all the hurt in the world inside them.

“I know…” she whispers, and we both stop moving. Her nails retract from my shoulders and her arms rest gently on my neck instead. “I know you’re thinking about him…” she sighs, and I think I hear some regret there. “It’s okay, I don’t mind.”

My mouth collides with hers just to get her to shut her up. Her fingers tangle with strands of my hair, but I don’t pull away no matter how hard she tugs.

I cup her under her bum, bouncing her rhythmically on top of me since I am in no position to thrust into her. She moans into my mouth, tongue slipping between my teeth like she craves the taste.

I’ve never been with a girl so I have no idea what I’m meant to do, I rely on her to show me what she needs. She does so perfectly, hands slipping between her hips to rub at delicate folds. I leave her to it, focusing on the simple rhythmic in and out that seems to draw the moans that slice away words I don't want to hear. If it stops her from talking I’ll do as much, though as her body produced more wet, I find myself feeling less and less. What was once tight heat just melts into a rather vague sensation of an elastic rubbing along the base of my shaft. It’s easy not to lose control as the feeling brings no pleasure to me, and I’m amazing to find Ino is a stuttering slobbering mess on top of me. Her knuckles bump my stomach and her legs keep giving out, an annoyance that I find myself having to support her, but I continue. Even when her teeth find my shoulder, and the force of her hips as she jerks against me bruise mine. Her perfume clogs my nose and her too high moaning hurts my ears. 

She falls still before I’ve even finished, that tightness wrapping me up again with more heat this time. Her muscles spasm inside and out, and a male’s orgasm is similar enough that I know she’s done.

She doesn’t move, just lays across my shoulder, her heart beat beating my chest, her ragged breaths breaking the calm. A calm that surrounds us. Envelops her, but is swindled from me. I realize too slowly that I never did find release, probably never would have.

I never really doubted my sexuality, but it kinda drives it home when you’ve spent the last few minutes inside, arguably, one of the hottest girls our age, and your dick would rather go soft than cum. She barely notices as she shifts back, and I feel myself fall out of her. It’s the most relief I’ve felt since we began.

A similar relief I see under the adoration in her eyes, a smile that reaches the very corners of them and it's enough to make my chest swell, like I’ve done good.

“Shika,” She breaths, breaths out all that utter satisfaction that just falls empty in my lap. “That was wonderful…” 

My heart swells more and its the most painful pride I’ve ever felt. I hate it. I feel sick when she looks at me like that, because it means I’ve done good. I’ve done good and I should be happy, because I’m _ better _ than Sasuke. But I’m not, am I? Because I don’t love her either. Maybe like a friend, but nothing more, it’s never been anything more than that.

She can see it too, by the way my own smile doesn’t quite reach my eyes. Ino can spot a fake from a mile away, and she doesn’t need to use a mind transfer on me to see I’m forcing my expression. In my exhaustion I let it drop, no use fooling someone who won’t be fooled. The hurt’s already there, but she won’t let me call her out so I don’t bother.

At some point she thanks me, though I can’t quite figure out what for and something in me wonders if I should be thanking her. After all, she gave me the honor of her first time. I know I wasn’t her first choice though, and if Sasuke was here right now it would have been him not me, of that I’m sure. The thought doesn’t bother me like it should though, and maybe if my head were clearer I would realize I’m pissed at Ino. Instead I watch her dress with a dull expression, accept the peck on the cheek without complaint and even as I hear the front door close I sit motionless on the floor and stare at the wall.

When Choji comes home I’m in the shower, trying to wash away invisible filth. He knocks at the bathroom door, gently like he always does, before coming in. I can feel his anxiety as he whispers my name, and I respond even though my throat hurts. Because he’s scared I might be dead,  laying in the bottom of the tub letting the water run over me. I’m not. Though part of me wishes I was, I don’t think there’s anything in my apartment I could off myself with anyways. Besides, there’s always Choji, and his inhuman ability of fixing all the damaged parts of me.

He dries me off because like usual I’m too tired to move much, and as he fluffs my hair I let the question leave my lips. He falls still, lets it hang heavy in the humid air. Because it’s the first I’ve mentioned sex in months.

“If you want,” He says at last and it still comes out a question despite definitive words. The phrase is a twisted dark contrast to that afternoon, when consent was ripped from the very atoms of me. 

He’s never felt the need to ask before, or if he did, I never paid it much mind. Because I always wanted him, couldn’t imagine not. Until now sex was a build up of desire. A need for physical contact, that boiled beneath our flesh until it felt too tight and we were on the edge of bursting. Puberty provided the stepping stones that lead us down a tricky path of stolen kisses and secrecy from our parents. We stumbled into sex when handjobs stopped satisfying and blowjobs weren’t intimate enough. After that hurdle it became a matter of want, no,  _ need.  _ Then, whenever Choji would hover just shy of my entrance with question on his lips, I didn’t feel the  _ need _ to give an answer because my body spoke for me. I was solid for him, my skin flushed for him, I begged for him with every slow grind and moan, so why would he ever feel the need to ask?

He asks again though as he lays me in bed, so I give him a verbal answer this time. A quiet and hungry “Please.”

His fingers stretch me open and all my sense falls out. He reaches places in me and I feel him fixing my damaged. Every curl of a finger cleans me where the water couldn’t reach and I beg again.

“Please!”

His eyes are still worried as he pushes into me, and worry melts into pleasure.

Sickness, melts into pleasure.

Heartache, melts into pleasure.

Disgust, melts into pleasure.

Everything melts into pleasure.

As he fills me, and fills me, again and again. Pushing me down in the most uplifting way. Into the headboard, into the mattress that surrounds me and holds me. Keeps me close to Choji, my cloud who envelopes and covers me. Covers me away from all the things that make me afraid, that make me hurt inside. I barely notice that I’m yelling his name, and when I finally cum, tears stream down my face.

He lands in the bed next to me, and grabs me. He grabs me and holds me, a huge wet mess in his arms. Rained on. A sweat-scape of semen and tears, and when I grow quiet he asks about bite marks on my shoulders. I break down against his and tell him everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My girlfriend was really frustrated with the grammer in this one.  
> I kept explaining to her that this was just my lyrical genius and to stop fucking with my funky flow.  
> So no those are not spelling errors or grammatical fudges of someone too tired to be writing.  
> Its all intentional.  
> Thats my lyrical genius dont touch my funky flow.
> 
> I actually honest to god had intentions of redeming Ino but part of me didnt know how the fuck to and mostly his fic grew a life of its own and I had no choice but to follow its twiated path into this dark realm my appologies.


End file.
